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Destination.
What do you think of when you see that word? What images or words come to mind? Perhaps you envision a vacation of some sort. Perhaps, an attainment of a goal. Or the end of a race.
"Arriving" can be a wonderful thing. I don't think there's anything wrong with the word, per-se. Until we use it in conjunction with a relationship. For whatever reason, when it comes to a relationship between two people, we tend to make the mistake of setting a marker. A point to be reached.
A destination.
One of two major relationship markers I've witnessed (the other being marriage) is when we acknowledge that we "love" another person, with the "falling in love" sentiment describing the period of time leading up to this point.
It's out of the bag. It's been said. Destination: Arrived.
On one hand, hearing the sentiment expressed to you by another person can be exciting. Heart-warming. Comforting. Overwhelming. Stimulating. There are a number of adjectives that could be used to describe the reaction one might have when hearing someone express this to you for the first time. But what does it portray when we've viewed it as a place where we "arrive"?
End of the road. Travel complete. Goal achieved.
If I'm being honest, these words don't really entice me when it comes to being in a relationship. I'm half expecting an "It's all downhill from here" joke, followed by uncomfortable laughter. The kind where someone laughs because they know something you do not (pointing fingers is optional, but also appropriate). A serenade of "Welcome to the Jungle" as comedian Tim Hawkins would sing it, followed by a maniacal laugh.
Count me out. (Perhaps it's why I've been single for over a decade. I'll process this some other time.)
I'm an idealist and a dreamer. There, I've said it. "My name is Mindy and I'm a dreamy idealist". An INFP, if you're a Myers-Briggs fan. Feel free to leave me the information for a recovery group in the comment section below. Better yet, mail it to me on a personal note, tucked inside a copy (preferably a first edition) of Thomas More's "Utopia".
The reality is, I've come to terms with it (yes...along with acknowledging the consequences). I will even go one step further and say that I'm proud of it. My favorite compliment to date is one of an in-your-face reality check wrapped in a metaphor suggesting I was under the influence of drugs...
"You're on crack".
Yep. To my face. You'd be mistaken if you thought I was offended. Quite the contrary. I'm content with my INFP status and everything that comes with that. So perhaps it won't surprise you when I share that this compliment was handed to me during a conversation about the topic of...nothing other than...LOVE. (Specifically, the power that it holds to fix the broken things of this world.)
If it's a drug that I'm on, let me have it. I am not interested in living any differently. The idea of falling in love is a sweet one. But when put into the context that it somehow ends when we use the "L" word, it loses it's zeal (shouldn't love, after all, always be zealous?!...). The idealistic dreamer part of me says that love should be something we "fall" into...indefinitely. An ongoing process. Something that, perhaps, starts with the sharing of the sentiment, but definitely wouldn't stop there.
A seed. A sprout. A beginning.
I've learned a lot by being single. I'm a watcher. And a listener. I even attended a couple's Bible study once, to try and glean from those who appeared to be making their relationship work. But I was also on the lookout for those who appeared to be newly in love, in spite of the longevity of their relationship. I was searching for God. A manifestation of His presence amidst the relationships. A sign of zeal.
If I were to label something as "divine" in all that I've witnessed (both in my personal experiences and watching the lives of others), it would be that valuable growth seems happens when we experience adversity together, ie: the "less ideal" circumstances of life. (For an identified idealist, this is a welcomed paradigm shift!). Perhaps the downhill mentality that we joke about - partially because we know it's true and partially because we are, perhaps, mourning the loss of what once was - comes from our failure to get this. From our inclination to ignore the confrontation and avoid adversity.
With all that we know about Jesus' upside-down teachings, it would make sense that love is crafted the same. Wouldn't it?! With the less-ideal actually becoming the ideal. If I'm going to stick with the "falling in love" statement, it may look a little something like this...
We fall into CHALLENGE...and grow more in love when we experience reconciliation.
We fall into HURT....and grow more in love when we experience forgiveness.
We fall into FEAR....and grow more in love when we experience trust.
We fall into VULNERABILITY...and grow more in love when we experience safety.
We fall into TRAGEDY..and grow more in love when we experience hope.
We fall into SIN...and grow more in love when we experience grace.
We fall into ______ ...and grow more in love when we experience _______.
You could put almost anything into this sentence and there will always be a "love antidote". Not an antidote to REMEDY love, but one where love IS the remedy. An antidote for any adverse situation two people may encounter. An antidote with the power to repair the broken, with flakes of gold (which mirrors the way God mends our brokenness). An antidote that allows individuals to walk head-on into the unknown in full confidence that they'll come out more loved - and more loving.
An antidote that intensifies and multiplies for as long as two people are willing to drink it.
Pass me the cup...
